The Teeter Totter of Life full of Ups and Downs! : Positivity

The Teeter Totter of Life full of Ups and Downs! : Positivity: J Last week I had a work meeting about the Elephant in the Room campaign which if you have some time check it out at www.mooddisorderscanada...

Positivity

J

Last week I had a work meeting about the Elephant in the Room campaign which if you have some time check it out at www.mooddisorderscanada.com , but afterwards a colleague and I were just catching up and he said to me how do you stay so positive? Well that is a good question especially these last two years. We have had a lot of family stuff go on. In fact the last 24 years have had there ups and downs. 

So I looked at him and said you know that is a good question and I have two answers. The first is that I don't like who I am when I become a negative based person, and trust me I have been there and it is easy to go there. The second is that life is too short not to look for the positive in life. It doesn't come easy or quickly and it is something that I need to work at, but I love who I am when I work at it and I find that good things happen when I am positive. 

I think that positivity ties in to being a forgiving person, you need to be able to forgive yourself and others. It doesn't mean that you forget just that you will not allow the negative to rule your life. 

I work daily on being a positive person and trying to find something good in each day. I strongly believe that HAPPINESS is the key to a good life. I try to be happy everyday and do good things for myself and others in my life. The other thing that I have embraced is MINDFULLNESS each day I take moments to be thankful for what I have, what I do, and the wonderful people in my life. I believe in God or have faith, how ever you would like to take that works for me. :) but I do ask for help in being a patient, kind, resilent, loving person. I also ask for skills that will allow me to succeed at work and in daily life. I am thankful for the good in my life, I feel truly blessed. I do have days that do not go well but I try to not carry them forward into tomorrow except to find the positives that did occur. 

I am also trying to embrace a better connection to nature. There is so much support for this but I have seen this first hand, when I go for s walk in the woods how much calmer I feel and how the stress seems to float away and I can clear my mind of all the clutter and flutter. I also use a childhood memory of walking through the woods to my special place as a meditation vision when I need to clear my mind but can't get out in nature. 

So how do I stay positive, well it is a combination of these things, the love of my family and friends and a lot of hard work. But in the end I like who I am much better when I am positive then when I am negative! 

The Teeter Totter of Life full of Ups and Downs! : Friendship!

The Teeter Totter of Life full of Ups and Downs! : Friendship!: So I haven't written anything in quite awhile, sorry about that, but once again life has been a bit more than crazy! :)  I thought...

Friendship!

So I haven't written anything in quite awhile, sorry about that, but once again life has been a bit more than crazy! :) 

I thought this time I would share some thoughts on friendship. Ok I just had a great girls weekend with my BFF from college, which has inspired me to share. So what is friendship to you? What does it mean to be a friend and what does it mean to have friends. 

Well I like to think that I am a good friend, I can always be a better friend but to be honest I get caught up in my drama and I forget to be a good friend at times. I like to think that I have a lot of friends but friends in different categories, which is a good thing, I feel that everyone I meet is now a new friend. Ok I know how can that be, but how can it not be. I think it is important that we make real connections with people. I am not saying that all of my friends are my deepest truest friends, but it means something to me to think that I should treat all people as if they are. Ok I know GAG! And yes there are some people in my life that drive me crazy and that I wouldnt call up and say let's hang out but hey that is ok too, cause they probably don't want to hang out with me either lol. But that being said, we all have a diverse group of friends. We have childhood friends, work friends, school firiends, our children's friends parents, and then we have our closets girlfriends that we tell them absolutely everything if we are lucky and then most important our significant other as our ultimate best friend. I am so blessed to share that I have friends in all of these categories and I treasure each and everyone of them for how they have enriched my life and I hope that they would say the same. 

Growing up I had a close group of girl friends of course during our teenage years we went our separate ways can't even remember why now lol. But we have all reconnected and we get together once a year for a blast from the past. I am so happy to have reconnected with them and other high school friends, thank you social media! I also have been amazed at all the new friends that I have now thanks to the work I do. They have been tremendously supportive and wonderful to work with. I could not do what I do without them. I think that our friends can ebb and flow through our lives. Here comes the, people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! 

Building friendships and relationships can be difficult, scary and rewarding. It means putting yourself out there and taking the risk that comes with that. Usually you are rewarded by gaining another person in your life. Sometimes though this can backfire and it can be a negative situation. I do feel that you can "fire" a friend if that is what is most healthy for you, but try to be kind if you can. This often happens when the shit hits the fan, you quickly find out who are true friends. Don't blame others for their inability to stand beside you, it does not reflect on you. Remember them for the good times that you have shared together. Take the positive and build from there. 

If we are truly lucky we will come across a person or if we are extremely fortunate and fate smiles upon us we will have a couple of these people come into our lives. I have three such people in my life and by no means do I feel that this diminishes any of my other friendships but only enhances them. I have my college BFF, we connected on the first day of school and 28 years later we are still just as crazy together as we were then. There is no way to explain what this person and her friendship means to me except to say that if she reads this she will automatically know what it was that I am trying to say. We could talk every day or not talk for a year and it is just like we chated five minutes ago. She is truly my soul sister, I know that we have been friends for many life times and will continue this friendship for eons to come. My next friend is practically my sister our birthdays are only a day apart, we have cared for each other's children, had some wild times in New York and other locations. She is a pillar of strength in my life and I thank her for that. Last but certainly not least is my wonderful partner in crime, my husband. He truly is my best friend in all the world, he makes my day happy, loving, secure and perfect in the non perfect way. In 27 years we have grown up together and I could not think of a better person to do so with. We have had many ups and downs in our years, but he has been there for me holding me together and making me strong. His love and support allows me to be independent, a risk taker a better person and mother. Thank you my love. 

Ok enough sappy stuff, lmao, so to each and everyone one of my friends thank you, thank you, thank you, for teaching me supporting me and laughing with me. You hav enriched my life and I hope when you think of me it brings a smile to your face! Love you all xo 

The last few weeks!

Wow well it has been a few weeks since my last very angry post! Sorry about that folks, I really did have intentions for this post to be more about striving for happiness and positivity. But as my blog title says there is a lot of ups and downs in life. 

August has not been a overly kind month for my family, it has been two years since my brother died, it would of been my Dad's 85th birthday and my Mom who has been I'll had a car accident on last Saturday. She is ok, but has ten broken ribs, cracked sternum and lots of bumps and bruises. Needless to say from my last post until this one I have seen way too much of Kingston General Hospital! No offense intended Mom's care has been great but would just rather not to go there for a while. 

I have really been pulling on my internal strengths snd capacity to make it through this with out screaming my head off. Ok ok to be honest this time around has not been as easy, my poor hubby! I owe him some man roses! :) I do want to share something that has truly made the difference for me this last year as I have traversed the mental health care system with our son and the medical system with my Dad. A wise friend shared with me that in all situations we are only responsible for our decisions. So therefore we are not responsible for anyone else's decisions. This resonated with me and allowed me to realize that I do not need to carry guilt with me over things that can not be changed or things that other people do. This has allowed me to forgive myself and others. I wish more people understood this especially when it comes to situations like Robin Williams committing suicide. That was his decision and his alone. It doesn't not reflect on his friends and family. We all make personal decisions and sometimes we like to say that we were influenced and yes we can be but in the end it is our decision to own! 

So this week I am trying to get back to my passions around happiness! I will be focusing on the fun silly things in my life, I will try to laugh more, tell the people that I love just how much I love them and how happy I am that they are part of my life! :) I hope you try this as well. 

Frustrated and Angry! Please excuse the swear words

OkOk so I had originally planned for my next post to be on how physical activity especially walking is good for heart and soul. Not just physically but mentally as well. But due to time spent at the hospital again on Saturday night with our oldest. I have a lot of anger to get out, so you can keep reading if you like but if you do there is going to be swearing sorry but when I am upset I like to swear. So here it goes.

Can anyone please tell me what the FUCK is wrong with our health care system when it comes to mental health? If I have to hear one more practitioner tell me how old my son is I am going to fucking explode! As if I don't know how old he is I was there for conception the whole 9 months and labour and delivery let alone the last 22 years! Especially when this is coming from someone who is most likely only 24 at the oldest themselves. GRRRRR

Ok so first I want to assure everyone that I am a advocate for mental health issues and illness. Our son has severe depression and anxiety. Sometimes that turns into suicidal thoughts. This has not been a easy three years as we all try to work at getting help and trying to understand because I do believe that unless you have been in those shoes we just don't completely get it. But my rage is at our pathetic mental health car system. 

We all have mental health, it relates to all we do and how we thrive. But our medical system is totally fucked up. If our son had cancer the system would be all over us getting us specialists, advice, counseling, and financial support and that would be just for him let alone what we would be offered as his caregivers. But what we get right now is "You know he is 22 right" FUCK ME! And then in the next breath because we show that we care and love him even if we are frustrated and exhausted it all gets tossed back in our court with no or little support? This system is ROYALLY MESSED UP! 

How have we created a culture where we no longer support people and treat the individual and their needs. We have a looming crisis on our hands in overall health care let alone the rise in mental health issues and illness. And then we have to deal with two psychiatry residents who try to mollify me and make me look like I am being irrational by tellling me how old my child is and that they understand that I am frustrated but that I will just have to live with it. 

Well Fuck Them! And that is what I basically told them last night. Yes people can empathize as to what people go through in their  lives and that is all wecan do as even though we may all lose a parent or have a loved one with mental illness we still have to deal with it in individual ways. But we can support each other. 

Perhaps I am naive but I expect more from our health car system and so should you. I shared with these two residents last night that not only could they never understand how I am feeling as this is my child who I am very personally aware of how old he is, that his father and I also know him in ways that no one else ever will. I was told that they spent an hour with him and that was unusual! What the hell! I also told them that they are a disgrace. They have gone into a field where they will be working with people and people who they need to develop relationships with, build trust with and to truly get to know. That they were allowing the system to rule them and to avoid the true challenge that they have in front of them and to be heros who challenge the system and say what about my patient and their family what is best for them? Not just the numbers required in getting people out of the ER with in a certain time frame. 

It take a lot of guts to self identify that you need help, often done in ways that many don't understand and when you get tossed around by a system that is supposed to help and they toss you away, just what the HELL does that say to you? 

God I thought I was calming down, but I guess I am not, because right now I don't know what to do to help my child and for those that know me that is my biggest asset and curse all rolled into one. I am sure that I have been the source of as many issues as I have helped solve. But right now we need our system to be not just a FUCKING SYSTEM and to actually care about our child and to help him. There is absolutely no understanding in my mind why it has taken us over three years trying to navigate this system and it seems like we are farther behind than we were when we began. 

So for those of you who can relate, my love, prayers and hugs go out to you! For those of you who do work In our majorly underfunded mental health system that do care thank you, thank you, and thank you! For those of you who intend to work with people in sociology, psychology or psychiatry based professions I challenge to really consider why you want to do this and if it isn't to truly help people choose something different. For this of you who work in the system and play the system game please do us all a flavour and get the FUCK OUT! 

Ok well I think I am done for tonight! Hopefully I will post more positive thoughts in my next blog post! 

The Teeter Totter of Life full of Ups and Downs! : Happiness!

The Teeter Totter of Life full of Ups and Downs! : Happiness!: When I saw this post I thought absolutely especially the laugh lots! It is just too easy to get caught up in our daily routines and f...