Frustrated and Angry! Please excuse the swear words

OkOk so I had originally planned for my next post to be on how physical activity especially walking is good for heart and soul. Not just physically but mentally as well. But due to time spent at the hospital again on Saturday night with our oldest. I have a lot of anger to get out, so you can keep reading if you like but if you do there is going to be swearing sorry but when I am upset I like to swear. So here it goes.

Can anyone please tell me what the FUCK is wrong with our health care system when it comes to mental health? If I have to hear one more practitioner tell me how old my son is I am going to fucking explode! As if I don't know how old he is I was there for conception the whole 9 months and labour and delivery let alone the last 22 years! Especially when this is coming from someone who is most likely only 24 at the oldest themselves. GRRRRR

Ok so first I want to assure everyone that I am a advocate for mental health issues and illness. Our son has severe depression and anxiety. Sometimes that turns into suicidal thoughts. This has not been a easy three years as we all try to work at getting help and trying to understand because I do believe that unless you have been in those shoes we just don't completely get it. But my rage is at our pathetic mental health car system. 

We all have mental health, it relates to all we do and how we thrive. But our medical system is totally fucked up. If our son had cancer the system would be all over us getting us specialists, advice, counseling, and financial support and that would be just for him let alone what we would be offered as his caregivers. But what we get right now is "You know he is 22 right" FUCK ME! And then in the next breath because we show that we care and love him even if we are frustrated and exhausted it all gets tossed back in our court with no or little support? This system is ROYALLY MESSED UP! 

How have we created a culture where we no longer support people and treat the individual and their needs. We have a looming crisis on our hands in overall health care let alone the rise in mental health issues and illness. And then we have to deal with two psychiatry residents who try to mollify me and make me look like I am being irrational by tellling me how old my child is and that they understand that I am frustrated but that I will just have to live with it. 

Well Fuck Them! And that is what I basically told them last night. Yes people can empathize as to what people go through in their  lives and that is all wecan do as even though we may all lose a parent or have a loved one with mental illness we still have to deal with it in individual ways. But we can support each other. 

Perhaps I am naive but I expect more from our health car system and so should you. I shared with these two residents last night that not only could they never understand how I am feeling as this is my child who I am very personally aware of how old he is, that his father and I also know him in ways that no one else ever will. I was told that they spent an hour with him and that was unusual! What the hell! I also told them that they are a disgrace. They have gone into a field where they will be working with people and people who they need to develop relationships with, build trust with and to truly get to know. That they were allowing the system to rule them and to avoid the true challenge that they have in front of them and to be heros who challenge the system and say what about my patient and their family what is best for them? Not just the numbers required in getting people out of the ER with in a certain time frame. 

It take a lot of guts to self identify that you need help, often done in ways that many don't understand and when you get tossed around by a system that is supposed to help and they toss you away, just what the HELL does that say to you? 

God I thought I was calming down, but I guess I am not, because right now I don't know what to do to help my child and for those that know me that is my biggest asset and curse all rolled into one. I am sure that I have been the source of as many issues as I have helped solve. But right now we need our system to be not just a FUCKING SYSTEM and to actually care about our child and to help him. There is absolutely no understanding in my mind why it has taken us over three years trying to navigate this system and it seems like we are farther behind than we were when we began. 

So for those of you who can relate, my love, prayers and hugs go out to you! For those of you who do work In our majorly underfunded mental health system that do care thank you, thank you, and thank you! For those of you who intend to work with people in sociology, psychology or psychiatry based professions I challenge to really consider why you want to do this and if it isn't to truly help people choose something different. For this of you who work in the system and play the system game please do us all a flavour and get the FUCK OUT! 

Ok well I think I am done for tonight! Hopefully I will post more positive thoughts in my next blog post!